Budget Tijuana Brass Bonanza - The Phony Baloney Bull

When I was a kid, Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass were everywhere. They had hits on the radio, starting with the iconic, “The Lonely Bull,” followed by a string of peppy toe tappers with that patented horn heavy sound.  The Clark Gum Company used “Mexican Shuffle,” retitled ”Teaberry Shuffle,” for a catchy ad to hock their gum. Likewise, Sunoco used, “El Garbanzo,” for a memorable advertising spot. The Dating Game used “Whipped Cream,” “Spanish Flea” and “Lollipops and Roses.” If you were on the show, whether you were the lucky one chosen or not, Herb Alpert was your significant other on some level! One particularly “Delightful” album cover seemed to be a part of everyone’s collection, even if the music within was not appreciated whatsoever. All this success for the son of Jewish immigrants who grew up in L.A.’s east side and came up with a novel schtick meant one thing: hoards of cheap hucksters out to make a fast buck by riding his faux serape-tails…

The real deal. A few of my fave original Tijuana Brass albums.

THAT cover was so uniquely eye grabbing, instantly recognizable, prudishly controversial, and overwhelmingly profitable it’s no wonder it has been parodied so many times through the years. The interesting thing is there wasn’t a single silly remake that was geared toward making anyone think they were getting the original Herb Alpert record. It was from the start, and remains to this day, a never-ending stream of spoofs meant to elicit a chuckle that might mean a record sale or two from people who enjoy sharing the humor with their friends. As an extra bonus, more than a few of the albums contain enjoyable music. I personally only have a few of these records, which I bought primarily for the music… honest! The following montage is just a sampling of something old, something new, everything borrowed and nothing blue. Yeah, green was THE color. If you had access to a background in that particular shade, or even somewhat similar, you were halfway to having your, “(fill in the blank) and Other Delights,” album cover finished.

Someone should have hipped Pat Cooper to pesto sauce…

I used to spend an inordinate amount of time searching through boxes and bins of used records at yard sales, flea markets and record stores that carried second hand merchandise. I was looking for “good” records, of course, but also for music from earlier eras that I felt I should be exposed to, anything I didn’t have from the ‘60s that might have at least one song worth the price of admission, and schlocky, rip-off, exploitative crap that appeals to my sense of the absurd. I started with knockoff Beatles garbage and expanded my search radius as I got to the point where I had so many Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! wannabes I wasn’t finding any further examples. I had seen a few ersatz Tijuana Brass albums in the past and decided I’d pick them up as I saw them going forward and see just how bad they could be. Part of the warped fun of buying derivative dross, of course, is playing it for your friends and saying, “Listen how horrid this one is!” For the most part, however, these records were on a par with the majority of pop focused easy-listening records released by major artists. In retrospect, it should not have come as a surprise. The songs were generally standards written by professionals and the music was played by studio session cats happy to earn a quick buck. The major differences were the quality of the album graphics, some of the hackneyed arrangements geared to a specific market and the lack of any marketable star power. I don’t pretend to have an exhaustive collection, but I have a hell of a lot more of these turkeys than any sane person would want cluttering up their shelves.

“Alpha Beta Presents Standing Room Only, Ole” is probably my favorite and I wish I had volume I. “Whipped Cream” is here, but so are “Winchester Cathedral,” “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” (for crying out loud!) and seven other great tunes done remarkably similar to the master. If you didn’t have the ridiculous cover staring you in the face while you listened, you could swear it was authentic.

The Mexicali Brass, “What Now My Love,” has it going on: The cute sassy gal, the trumpet hanging from the tree (???) and the current hit by the mighty Herb. And who isn’t curious to hear what originals like “Calexico Cocktails” and “Tijuana Heartache” sound like? The brass factor isn’t huge, but the music is enjoyable.

“The Lonely Bull,” by the Arena Brass is what you would expect from a major label. It’s tight and polished, arranged and conducted by someone who was proud enough with the product to put his name out there, and it sounds just about as good as the Tijuana Brass without being too overly derivative… and it has a cover that looks like a preschooler drew it with a dirty potato. Kudos!

“Mexican Joe and Other Favorites,” by Living Marimbas probably should be saved for a companion piece about the Baja Marimba Band, but who knows when that will materialize so the proud gent can cop a squat right here, thank you very much. As the band name would suggest, the sound revolves heavily around marimbas, but there is some nice swinging easy-listening pop throughout.

“Latin Brass” is a great record! It features Dynamic Directional Stereo so you can’t go wrong. They are not mentioned on the cover, but John Evans and Bob Freedman took turns arranging the songs, “Patricia,” “Mambo Jambo,” “Barrippi Mompo,” and nine others. According to the liner notes, this is “the miracle of sound in motion.” I can dig it!

“Whipped Cream,” by the aforementioned Mexicali Brass is another fine example of tasteful instrumental interludes that are jazzed up with a lukewarm dose of TJB juice. You won’t ever feel like you’ve found the great lost Tijuana Brass album, but it’s a pleasant enough diversion.

The Guadalajara Brass proved to be just what the doctor ordered as far as kitschy covers are concerned. The music is good throughout because there was no group called the Guadalajara Brass. Whoever was responsible for these records had access to orchestral pop, easy-listening pop and even some latin tinged pop from time to time. They just brought whatever they could scrounge from this dubious source and that bargain basement together and called it the Guadalajara Brass. Some pieces might be played by a smallish jazzy pop combo, while others are played by a full orchestra. If you are looking for any semblance of the Herb Alpert sound, it only shows up on the songs that the Tijuana Brass made famous. I don’t own “The Best of…” or “Mame,” but if I ever see them in a dollar bin one of these days, I’ll be sure to snatch them up. In case you missed it, the cover on the lower right features a close up from the cover on the upper left and the cover on the lower left features a close up from the cover on the upper right. Two photos and four album covers. That’s economy at work, folks!

The Brass Ring is about as fringe to this discussion as is possible. I saw the word “Brass” and assumed there might be some Herb Alpert connection. Oopsie! I picked up “The Disadvantages of You” and another one called, “Laura’s Theme (Somewhere My Love),” for a dollar each and I’m mighty glad I did! This is the band (an actual band) that had a hit with “Disadvantages” when it was used in a series of Benson and Hedges ads that were as addictive as cigarettes themselves. The group sounds to me like a somewhat squarer version of the T-Bones, which isn’t bad as far as I’m concerned.

“Voices in Instrumentation - The Unique Vocal Interpretations of…” The Mexicali Singers is thrown in just because it is so silly and bubbly fun, and because they ply their craft on the likes of “Spanish Flea,” “Tijuana Taxi” and  a few other songs Herb worked his magic on, as well as a few other hits of the day. Instead of singing the lyrics, the group adds buppa buppa buppa vocal harmonies over the infections uptempo instrumental backings. Not unlike dogs barking “Jingle Bells,” but infinitely more enjoyable, trust me.

Last but not least is “A Taste of Tequila,” by the Mariachi Brass Featuring Chet Baker. Of course, there wasn’t a Mariachi Brass, but there most certainly was a Chet Baker! He leant his talents to at least three other albums attributed to the Mariachi Brass that I’ve seen covers of. According to Scott Yanow of AllMusic (as reported in Wikipedia), there were a total of six albums recorded in ’65 and ’66 for World Pacific. If you are a Chet Baker fan, this is commercial pablum done out of drug induced desperation. If you are a fan of huckster TJB product, this is a wealth of good versions of mid ‘60s hits done the way only studio hacks force fed Herb Alpert could do them with a sweet trumpet riding over the top with straight pop melody precision interspersed with flashes of jazz noodling and soulful feeling. 

To be fair to all the limp imitators mentioned in this piece, there wasn’t a Tijuana Brass either for several years. It wasn’t until demand for live shows got to be so great that Herb put together an actual band. Maybe if throngs of rabid fans screamed of their desire to see the Guadalajara Brass…

Edwin Letcher September 6, 2021